uncleeddy:

Dear Corey,

The conditions you describe are, indeed, adverse. I grant you that. With the student union supporting the International Wonderful World of Wicca Conference, the Northern Light Brigade, and the Frozen Moulin Detection and Protection agency and at the same time refusing to give any…

uncleeddy:

Dear Orion,

I am consistently amazed at man’s capacity for cruelty. Today my guards got into a fight. A new young man was just assigned to join the three old stand-bys. As soon as he arrived I overhead the veterans laughing loudly – they had spread a thin layer of honey on the poor rookie’s…

uncleeddy:

Dear Todd,

I’m glad to hear that at the beginning of your sophomore year you have succeeded in avoiding the dangerous pitfalls you dived into at the beginning of your freshman year. It’s proof that you learned something last year (and didn’t forget it over the summer). Nevertheless, the…

uncleeddy:

Dear Ariel,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re running into so much opposition to your faith and your evangelizing efforts. I thought such a small campus, even though fairly secular and hedonistic, would be more open to discussion. I guess I’ll have to redouble my prayers, which will be easy, since…

uncleeddy:

Dear Neil,

You are becoming an expert in sensationalism. I guess that makes sense, considering your choice to major in broadcast news media. The news media culture has created a pathological need to sensationalize, so that every day they can feed extraordinary news to the bored public. They…

uncleeddy:

Dear Sara,

Today I received a sad email from a dear and old friend. His wife was just killed in a car accident – a drunk driver (a college student, by the way) ran into her head-on; he emerged unscathed, but she was killed instantly. The news in itself was sad, but it gets worse.

My friend (the…

uncleeddy:

Dear Tricia,

Complaints, complaints, complaints. All you do is complain. You are the biggest and most voluble complainer I know. And I’d like to tell you right now that I’ve had it. I am no longer going to tolerate your complaints. For a while I thought you would get over it, so I put up with it….

Need a retreat? Uncle Eddy recommends…

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uncleeddy:

Dear Chris,

I have only one word for you: courage. You need courage. It seems that the whole campus is against you as you strive to be faithful to Christ, and to your most noble goal of spreading his Kingdom. So you need to remember two things. First, the whole campus, in fact, is not against…

uncleeddy:

Dear Al,

I don’t have much time to write – today’s special work duty starts in a couple minutes, probably more nonsense work like breaking down boxes and putting them back together again; you’d think that here in the third millennium they’d be able to come up with some more creative tortures.